Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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