I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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