Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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