seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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