Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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