Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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