Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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