I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
