tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
