put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
