Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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