she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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