we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
