Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
