I don't think brook has ever known best
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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