My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Little spoons don't ask big questions
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
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