i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i drank out of a bidet.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
