hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
