No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
