is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
