Already got asked if we're dating
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
