I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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