Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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