In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
