I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
