i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
