Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it hurts more in the daytime
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
