This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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