If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i think i have two assholes
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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