My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
