we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
