first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
