my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
