I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
