things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She told me I should be a condom model.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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