She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
