Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
