Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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