NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
