Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
