Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
