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You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
