Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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