if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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