Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
