Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
