had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
