A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
