WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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