I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
