ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
