can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
