I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
