In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
