I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we made out on top of his cat.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
